In an article last fall, Tralee Pearce said in part:

The co-parenting field has blossomed in the past 10 years. More men are assuming joint custody after divorce and expect to be full-fledged parents. More couples are seeking out “collaborative law” practices to keep them out of nasty court disputes. And, in a society obsessed with ferreting out the latest thinking on good parenitng, the well-known negative effects of divorce are to be avoided at all costs.

“Children suffer when their parents are fighting and arguing,” says Brian Galbraith, a family lawyer in Barrie, Ont. “There’s a saying we use: Do you hate your ex more than you love your children? Because if the focus is on the children, parents can co-operate and make decisions together.”

In our office attorney Mimi Buescher’s focus is on divorces with children.  If you are interested she can mediate with you and you spouse, or she can assist you with a Collaborative divorce.

It is not uncommon to have the parent who is not raising the children in their home pay a certain amount of money to the other parent in monthly installments. The parent who is primarily raising the children in their home adds some of their own funds to cover expenses.

So how does the court decide how much each parent will pay? The estimated cost of raising children is determined using a state developed worksheet. This formula-based worksheet looks at a number of factors, including the ages and number of children involved, and the combined income of both parents.

Most child support is paid through the state Division of Child Support, and is usually collected by garnishing a parent’s wages. If a parent fails to pay child support, the state can get the funds by other means, including seizing bank accounts and tax refunds. If support gets too far behind, a parent can even have his or her driver’s license suspended.

If you are having trouble collecting child support, you can contact the Washington State Department of Social and Health Service’s Division of Child Support. This agency can enforce child support orders and penalties for nonpayment. You may also want to consider contacting an attorney to see what steps can be taken through private enforcement.

In addition, child support can be modified based on a substantial change in circumstances and income for either parent. There is also a statutory right to have child support adjusted every two years. Child support laws and regulations change frequently.  This makes contacting an attorney on these issues important, especially since children are involved.     

If teachers with children are going through divorce, their occupation raises some aspects which should be considered when drafting the parenting plan’s residential schedule (what used to be called custody and visitation.)

1. Hours: Typical school hours start early and may end before 5 PM.

2. Summer: The large block of time off for many teachers in the summer provides a prime opportunity to spend extended time with the children. In Washington, the parenting plan has a separate section for the Summer Schedule, which is aimed at the normal day-to-day schedule. However, you may want to specify that most of the children’s Vacation Schedule (a separate section) with the teacher-parent shall occur in blocks of time during the summer, especially since it affords opportunities for lengthy travel.

3. Holidays: The standard parenting plan form only specifies certain holidays. Depending on the school calendar and the parents’ religious beliefs, more (or less) may be specified, including Teacher Learning Improvement Days, Professional/Conference Days, or Easter.

Jewish families may wish to address their holidays, including language such as:

“Jewish holidays shall start from two hours prior to sundown and end two hours after the sundown at the end of the holiday. “Passover Eve” means the entire calendar day (midnight to midnight) which includes the first evening of Passover. “The first day of Passover” means the entire calendar day (midnight to midnight) following “Passover Eve”. “Yom Kippur” is a single period of 28 hours. “Rosh Hashanah” means the 28-hour period beginning 2 hours before sunset on the day Rosh Hashanah begins. “Sukkot” means the first two full days of the Sukkot seven-day holiday, beginning two hours before sundown before the first full day of Sukkot.”

Since Seattle is in Washington, and this is no-fault state, you don’t need to assign blame or wrong doing in the marriage in order to file for a divorce here. However, at least one spouse must declare the marriage “irretrievably broken”. Either spouse can file for divorce, and at least you or your spouse must live in Washington State in order to file here for a divorce.

Some married couples choose a legal separation instead of a divorce. A legal separation is more than just living apart, it’s a legal agreement filed in court. There are several reasons a couple might chose this route. There might be a desire to keep one spouse on the other’s medical insurance, or there might be religious beliefs against divorce.

In both a legal separation and a divorce, a number of marital issues must be worked out and agreed upon by both parties.

• Separating property and debts
• Establishing child and spousal support obligations
• Making parenting arrangements
• Obtaining restraining orders
• Changing names

If a couple does decide to divorce, its takes at least 90 days from the beginning of the case before the divorce can be final. The courts appear divided as to whether the 90 day waiting period also applies to a legal separation. 

Six months after a legal separation is final, either spouse can convert the legal separation to a divorce by filing a motion in court.  Since the issues (including asset division and support) are have already been resolved in the legal separation, at the time of conversion to divorce there should be no further issues to resolve.  In other words, the things agreed to in the legal separation should carry over into the divorce.

If a couple cannot reach an agreed settlement in either a legal separation or divorce, they may have to go to trial before a judge who will determine the terms. The length of each trial varies and is usually the last resort. 

In many divorces, the greatest cause of conflict is anxiety over:
-What mudslinging is the other side going to say about me?
-Are they going to try to extract the last ounce of blood?
-What is my future budget going to be?
-When will I be spending time with the children?

In those cases, negotiating with proposed final orders at the outset (Findings, Decree of Dissolution, Parenting Plan, Order of Child Support & Worksheets) can resolve those uncertainties, by showing exactly what you want the judge to order.
-Agreed orders usually don’t need to say much about why the parties want the agreed relief, so criticism is unnecessary. Courts favor agreements in divorce cases, so a judge will likely sign agreed orders, even if one party later changes their mind.
-The financial proposal is there in black and white, addressing all issues. You may indicate that you’re also open to further negotiation, so long as a reasonable basis is provided for requested changes.
-The schedule with the children should be specific, so anyone looking at the parenting plan could say which parent the children should be with on any given day.

Putting “settlement negotiations: not admissible” on proposals prevents the other side from using a generous offer in evidence if negotiations fall apart. Finally, given the stress and emotional turmoil in divorces, it’s a powerful negotiating tool to present the other side with papers which will effectively resolve all uncertainty with a stroke of their pen.

Remember, you are not alone. If an act of domestic violence occurs in your home, you should immediately call your local sheriff or police department, or 911 to request law enforcement assistance.

You may wish to seek a restraining order or a protective order to keep a violent spouse, or ex, away from you. There are several ways you can obtain restraining or protective orders. There are different legal actions that can be taken for unmarried parents and divorced or divorcing couples. You can also ask the court to order your spouse or former spouse to turn over their weapons to law enforcement and stop harassing you.

If a person is actually arrested for a domestic violence offense, the court may order the person to stay away from the victim. Victims can also seek protective orders through local courts, and as part of a divorce, victims of domestic violence can seek temporary or continuing restraining orders.

Restraining orders are binding and serious. If the restrained person violates the court order they could be arrested.

If someone has a restraining order on them, the protected person cannot waive that restraint without court approval. So, even if a protected person invites someone in that the court has placed a restraining order against, the person under order could still be arrested.

If you need legal advice you can contact an attorney for assistance.  You can also find assistance through the Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 562-6025.

During a divorce, your spouse or the other attorney may say or do outrageous things to goad you. Some people deliberately “push your buttons” to cause an uncharacteristic response, inviting you to sink to their level. To the extent they succeed in provoking an emotional reaction, they win. The judge may view both angry submissions as similar, or the one who retaliates may be blamed instead. He who slings mud loses ground.

To the extent you show your upset over their misbehavior, even after the divorce, they continue to have power over you. Don’t give them that satisfaction. When confronted by an outrageous statement or behavior, resist the short-term satisfaction which a quick retort may bring. Think of a judge looking over your shoulder; how would s/he want you to react, and consider how to document the truth.

In a difficult divorce with a hostile spouse, when possible, make communications in writing (including email), and always keep a copy. Avoid phone or personal contacts with your spouse alone (how would a judge decide whose version was true?) Try to have someone else present as a witness: the more reputable and unbiased the better.

A parenting plan is a way for both parties to come to agreement on issues that revolve around raising children, by defining the roles of each parent and their responsibilities. It can also help to outline related scheduling issues, disciplinary actions and decision making provisions. The plan is one way to get both parents thinking about the myriad issues that could arise in child rearing in separate homes, and to help reach agreement on conflicting points of view.

Among the things a parenting plan can include are:

• A residential schedule
• Needed restrictions on either parent
• Decision making provisions
• Dispute resolution process
• Contact with relatives and significant others
• Vacation and holiday schedules
• Transportation and exchanges
• Childcare
• Travel

In general, both parents have equal rights in deciding the outline of the parenting plan. Mediation may be required to resolve issues that may arise in following the parenting plan. As circumstances change, it can also be modified at a later time.

Unless there is a good reason not to, the parents will have joint decision making authority on major issues like educational and medical decisions. The court may limit a parent’s visitation if the parent has committed domestic violence, child abuse, or suffers from significant alcohol or drug problems.

Although it is truly helpful if parents are somewhat flexible in parenting, if either parent violates the parenting plan they could be held in contempt of court. A parent accused of attempt must go to court and explain why they should not be held in contempt. Following repeated violations of the parenting plan, the plan could be modified in court and the violating parent could have some of his or her parenting rights restricted.  In extreme cases, police could get involved as well.

If either parent disputes the meaning of a provision in the parenting plan there are options. The dispute can be mediated, or a parent may want to bring a motion before the court for clarification.

Attorney Mark Alexander will have a limited number of early morning appointments available.  Attorney Mimi Buescher is scheduling some appointments in the evenings and on Saturdays.

In order to schedule an appointment during these extended hours, call our front desk at 206-784-3049 and and talk to Linda.  She can help you find an appointment time that will work for you.

In general, both types of agreements outline the property and assets each party owned before marriage, and allows the original owner to keep that property in case of divorces or separation. Pre and postnuptial agreements also outline how the couple will handle joint property acquired after marriage. These agreements can also handle issues including businesses assets, financial accounts, mortgages, support orders, and provisions for children.

There are a few things to keep in mind when planning prenuptial and postnuptial agreements.

• Each party should have separate attorneys who can look after the best interest of each person.
• During the planning process you should decide the basic scope of the agreement
• Each party should fully disclose all of their assets and property during the process.

Though prenuptial agreements can guide a judge in the divorce process, they are not iron clad. Both types of agreements are closely examined, and a judge could decide parts of an agreement are not fair, then divide property and assets in a way deemed more fit. They can also be totally disregarded by the courts if it appears they were not made with the full voluntary and informed consent of both parties.

If an agreement was signed close to a wedding date, or if both sides did not have an attorney involved, the court may assume that one side was pressured into signing the agreement. If you are near the wedding date it could be better to wait until after the wedding and sign a postnuptial agreement. Creating an agreement likely to stand up in court is just one of the reasons it’s important to have the help of an attorney in crafting either type of agreement.